Things that don’t usually get talked about, by me at least:
I’m still the good little church girl, for the most part. I don’t do drugs, I don’t smoke, I don’t get drunk (but neither do I feel guilty about the occasional drink. It’s not the same thing. If you have a Bible verse that says drinking is a sin, not just getting drunk, please tell me. Seriously, I’d need to know.) That all makes sense to me; anything that screws with your judgment is a danger to the witness you present to others and to holding on to whatever reservations/beliefs you have about the way you should act. Or at least that’s how I see it.
I still believe sex is meant for marriage (meaning, yes, I’m a virgin), I try to watch my language and take that love-your-neighbor-as-yourself thing seriously, though some days I’m better at that than others.
I struggle a lot lately with heaven and salvation and whether I believe the God I worship would send people I love to hell.
It makes sense to me in theory, the concept of balance between love and mercy requiring a choice to receive salvation. But when it comes to practical application, looking people I love in the eye and believing they’re damned… Is it any wonder I falter? They’re good people (I know, I know, no one’s “good enough”, but…) people I love. Part of me rebels at the concept.
And how am I supposed to defend my faith, convince others to believe, when I’m so full of uncertainty these days?
I get that we can’t pick and choose pieces we like to make a God we understand. Still… I choose to trust God to do what’s right, however that works in the end.
And I’ll continue walking that treacherous line between respecting that they believe something different, being scared of confrontation, and being terrified that they’re going to go to hell because I didn’t try hard enough.
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